All weekend Kaspa & I were on a training weekend led by two experienced ERT trainers – psychotherapists who use their own bodies in relationship with their clients. This includes movement, paying attention to the sensations in our bodies, inviting our clients to amplify any symptoms they might have, and other forms of ‘conversation’.
We learnt new ways of working and we did practice sessions (using real material from our lives) with our fellow students. More than anything, the leaders welcomed us all and created a safe space where we were able to be vulnerable, support each other and discover new things about ourselves. This kind of learning can be pretty intense and often involves pain, sadness and other emotion as reorganisation happens at a very deep level.
Last night I slept for 13 hours. This morning I had a dream in which there was a young girl who’d been wronged somehow at work. I talked to her, accompanied by an expert in workplace legal issues. I started to explain at length to the girl how my colleague would help her, but then I realised it wasn’t necessary as the expert could and would do that herself. I told the girl she’d be safe with the expert, and handed her over.
The young girl was a young part of me that needs healing, and that hasn’t had the necessary resources to do so. The expert was the new knowledge (knowledge doesn’t quite cover it – something much more visceral, that includes courage and love) I came away with after the weekend course.
The realisation that I didn’t need to be the middle-woman between these two parts was a real revelation to me. The expert would be able to look after the girl without me keeping an eye on them both, controlling things. This phrase from Tai Shi Chih’s prayer came to mind:
“The light will work its own good work
If only we will trust it.”
How do we lean into the light?
This weekend I made an effort to drive to the course and spend time with people who also trust the light – not explicitly the light of the Buddha, but the light of the body’s great wisdom, which might be the same thing anyway. As I spent time with them, and in the sacred space they created, I was able to relax.
As I relaxed, the light got on with doing the job it knows how to do. Reaching the scared and wounded parts of me. Bathing them with care and attention. Allowing them to unfold and begin to give off a light of their own.
I hope you can catch some of this light as you read this.
The light will works its own good work, if only we will trust it.
Namo Amida Bu.